Enough is enough

I have not been a Black Friday shopper ever since I used to work in retail.  Although I would go out with the family and grab lunch or look around, it was a rare occasion that I would head out early and brave the crowds while I muscle my way into a store.  When our children were little, my husband did head out at 4 a.m. to get a special electronic gift for our son, but in general I have tried to avoid the shopping frenzy.  Part of my reasoning to minimized my Black Friday shopping has come from my many years of working in retail and from working on Black Friday.  Crazy is even crazier from the other side of the cash register.

Having news reports and ads constantly telling you that you are missing out leave you feeling like you really are missing out but I try to remember that I have enough.  Their is this little anxiety thing that  happens. It is a cross between feeling like you are missing out because you are not spending money and the fear of not having enough. This year I am even more apprehensive to fall into the spend just to spend frenzy that happens in theses days after Thanksgiving.  Long term financial security is uncertain as I look for my next career move and though I am looking forward to the time off to enjoy the holidays I do have the realization that my life seems to give me time when I have no money.

 Sticking to our holiday buying budget is always important but this year we will be trying to put our spending to where it is most important.  That may mean that if the must have item is 50% off today only, I will brave the elements to get the deal but work really hard not to fall into buying the impulse item sitting next to it.  I am focusing on my time I get to spend with family and recognizing that my time is a gift as I try to be thankful for all I already have.

Relate to this...

One thing about being laid off is that you find yourself in a very different daily social routine. The people you say hello to every day at work are no longer a part of your life. Your work friends may be just your work friends or they may be lifelong friends that you met through work. I am a relational person - it is just the way I am made. My relationships are important to me.  Changes in my relationships can be hard.

In my position at the Archdiocese I developed allot of relationships with volunteers, Clergy and parish staff as well as friendships within the corporation. It feels strange to be abruptly separated from them, yet that is the way it is. I geographically live 50 miles from my old job so I don't envision maintaining casual relationships but I do see myself maintaining the life-giving and fruitful friendships I have made through people I have met through work.

Just when I was feeling the brunt of the separation from my relationships through work I read an excerpt from my friend Kelly Wahlquist's new book. It is all about relationships!  It is not due to be published until early in 2015 but she was able to share with me a chapter that was put together as a promotion from the publishing company.  As fate would have it this chapter dealt with her own separation from a previous job and her fear of loosing the relationships she had built. In it she says, "My heart sank and my stomach literally ached as I envisioned friendships, embedded deep in my heart, coming to a sudden halt." 

The timing of sharing this was providential. I feel your pain sister!  I remember experiencing similar feelings when I started working in St. Paul - though I did not feel it as abruptly.  I have many friends in my hometown of Faribault but by taking a full time position with a an hour commute each direction - I was not easily able to connect with the Mom's groups and maintain the casual connections with the people I know in my home town.  I found that I stayed connected with the ones that mattered. I may have had to find new ways to stay connected. I also made new connections.  I have no doubt that the same will happen now.  I will keep and maintain some relationships I have made through my past work but I also have an opportunity now to rekindle some old friendships,strengthen some budding ones and be open to the friendships I am yet to have. 

Change can be hard, but I am comforted by the words in Paul's letter to the Hebrews: Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

What's that old song? You got a friend in Jesus....  :)

If you are interested in Kelly's book on relationships it can be found HERE. 

Cleaning House

"[But] its no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."

- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Yesterday I cleaned out our home office.  It was a task well overdue. Besides the general straightening and throwing out old personal mail and papers, it was an opportunity for me to get rid of many of the items, books, notes and paraphernalia that I had accumulated in my job as the Respect Life Coordinator.  Much of these items were specific to a very specific job that I used to have. 

Unlike an accountant, nurse or teacher - I will not be looking for another position doing the same thing.  The position of Respect Life Coordinator was eliminated and unless I am willing to move to another diocese to look for a job, I will not be doing that job again.  Much of the personal materials I had accumulated over the years just won't be part of my future.  I may work for the Church again, I may work in the pro-life area again, but I will not be doing pro-life work for the church again. That position has been eliminated. I will use my skills from that position for other work but not the same work.   Frankly many of the items I went through I should have thrown or given away long ago.  Books given to me, notes from conferences, pamphlets, ideas, old programs - It was amazing how much baggage I had around the house.  

Yesterday was also the Adoption Mass day in the Archdiocese.  This was one of the last events of the year that I was working on before my position was eliminated.  Yesterday a variety of parishes in our Diocese celebrated the gift of adoption by including prayer intentions I wrote and handing out adoption materials I organized and held informational gatherings about adoption that I instigated.  I am proud of my work but it will no longer be my work and if it continues, (if others will build on that work I do not know) it is not my job anymore.  I would have attended one or two of those Masses when I was still working but I choose to go to a different Mass instead.  

So I loaded up boxes of books to give to St. Vincent DePaul and our Parish lending library, rearranged the home office and just for good measure had a bonfire to burn some of the items I cleaned out. There is something cathartic about a bonfire.  Like the Easter Vigil fire it is a sign of a new beginning.  

Next week we start the new Church year with the beginning of Advent.  

It is no use going back to yesterday... I wonder who I will be in the future?


* Note - make sure to return anything that is the property of your workplace (My items were personal)
* Make sure to keep items that you can use as examples of your work for your job search portfolio.

Let's Get Real

Their is a bit of a trend on social media for people to post their "best" side on facebook and such. The happy family pictures, the smiling couples, the beautifully decorated room are the norm.  We never or rarely see the cranky children, fighting couples  or the completely messed up and dirty rooms - unless it is funny and worth sharing.

While I am not an advocate of airing everything publicly, I do try to be wary of how things "look" on social media and recognize that no one's life is perfect.  I promised in this blog that I would be honest and I have been, but I also have portrayed the "best" of me during this time of transition.  While trying to look to the positive and move on,  I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to my self - doubt, anger, sadness, rejection, retaliation, and fear.

All of these emotions are normal and it is important to go through them.  Just as I move through one emotion and think I have moved on, boom - there it is back again.

Sometimes an emotion can hit you out of nowhere. Yesterday my husband and I were bringing a load of coats and clothes to the local St. Vincent DePaul.


As we were dropping off our excess items I noticed it was pantry day - the day people pick up food for their family.   Their were close to 20 people lined up outside in the bitter cold waiting to get their groceries for the week.  I am not immune to a sight like this.  I have helped at Dorthy Day, Sharing and Caring Hands and helped in various ways in giving to those in need.  The difference then was that I was giving from a secure place of knowing I had a secure job and income.  Now things felt uncertain.

Later that afternoon we went grocery shopping and as I was choosing the items off the shelf at the grocery store I couldn't get the image of these people in line for food out of my mind - then panic hit me.  While we are not in any immediate financial need, the uncertainty of my situation came over me in a wave of fear. There but for the grace of God as they say... I suddenly started worrying about how long I might be unemployed.  What will happen when my unemployment benefits are used up? How will we pay for insurance?

I have been working since I was 15 years old.  My first job was at the St. Thomas Sportsman's Club coaching softball to the young girls in the rural area in Derrynane Township. While in High School I worked summers at the Green Giant Factory to have enough money to buy my own clothes.  Even through college I worked not only summers jobs, but I worked an on campus job, an off campus job and coached a basketball team at the now gone St. Kevin's Catholic School in Minneapolis.  Aside from brief stints of unemployment and time off for health reasons or maternity leave - I have always had a job.

My first instinct during this time is to find a job as quickly as possible; to fill that gap, fill that void and fill the bank account.   I am lucky to have a few weeks severance pay and outplacement services. Outplacement services are new to me.  The process involves working with a career management professional who helps you adjust to the job separation and partners with you to prepare and launch a career search.  The outplacement councilor has encouraged me to look to my next employment as a career move not a job to just pay the bills.

Really looking at my skills, abilities and wants to find that next thing that is meaningful to me and uses my talents is my next step.

Now to figure out what they are....

Fear, uncertainty, self doubt - it is all part of the package. An evening in tears may not be the "best" of me but it is the WHOLE package.

Time Off From Being Unemployed

Surviving being unemployed is hard work. Like all hard work we need time to step away from it.
Being constantly absorbed with the uncertainty of the future, reassessing your career goals and dealing with the emotions of a recent lay off takes it's toll.

My husband took me out on a date night -
Only rules are - no talking about my recent lay off, job search or career goals.  Through some generosity of my husbands workplace (Harry Brown's Family Automotive) we had tickets to the Gophers Game.  It was a Minnesota blow out and just fun to get out.

We used to do these date nights when the kids were little. We even used to make it mandatory to not talk about our children on these date nights.  It might be strange that by not talking about or getting away from our children for an evening could make us better parents but it really does. On that same note getting away (at least mentally) from the stresses of being laid off and my impending job search and career change is a good step for me to be just me and adjust to the new normal.

*Trues Confessions* - When we would go on the date nights when the kids were little we would call the babysitter before we would head home to make sure the kids were asleep so we could avoid the bedtime ritual that night... #badparents!

*Advertising Disclaimer* - Please feel free to use the link to Harry Browns if you are looking for a car but you MUST ask for my husband Dave Wilson. Any extra car sales for him are a good thing right now!

Leisure Time

One thing about being unemployed is that you have time to take advantage of all of the things in your community that are available to you.

A trip to the library is good and it is a great place to pick up a good novel that you have been wanting to read but now is also the time to read some of those "change your life' books.

I can't yet recommend these titles because I haven't read them yet but I would recommend a life changing book I own.  It is Brene' Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection." If you haven't read it - you should!

The other thing you can do with a little leisure time is play around on your home computer and figure out how all the doodads work.  Here is what I learned to do yesterday:

Well, here is a better one: 

I also started my Pilates class.  After last weekend's binge on comfort food I needed to get my body moving.  After commuting an hour to work everyday I discovered some muscles besides the ones I sit on.

As I was leafing through the community services offerings I noticed how many wonderful things we have for the Senior Citizens in our community. I was thinking that it will be so nice when I retire.   Then I noticed that they were for people 50 years old and up! I already qualify for senior community activities!!!

No way - Back to Pilates class - I am not ready for that much leisure!  I think I am done blogging for today!

The Church is a Love Story not an Institution.

One of the most difficult things about working for the church is that your spiritual life and work life get really muddled. Maybe even more so when you are part of a staff reduction.

Early in my (re)conversion to the faith I dove into volunteering.  I was surprised when I was met with gruff church staff or a grumpy church lady.  I once told my spiritual director that I thought that when I got involved with the church everyone would be nice. She laughed out loud and said "What makes you think they wouldn't be like everyone else." Whether volunteering or working for the church you realize that the same problems that are in the secular world are also in the church.

In my old office I hung a poster with a quote from Pope Frances saying:

The Church is a Love Story not an Institution.

While working for the church I found it hard to integrate my faith (as we are all called to do) into my work while separating the institution of the church.  I had to come to see it as the institution of the church but not the Church (big "C").

The Church is a living thing. It is more than a building, diocese, community, priest, Bishop or even Pope. The Church is Christ, the Holy Spirit and the breath of God.  The Church is the body of Christ.  The Church (big "C") is made of flawed individuals seeking union with the Divine One.  

On the other hand the institution of the church needs to follow all of the legal requirements and processes that any organization needs to do. The church is filled with overworked and under-appreciated staff, people who don't always make the right decisions, volunteers who are there for the wrong reasons and grumpy and insecure faithful.  The church (little "c") is made of flawed individuals seeking union with the Divine One.  

So when you are thinking that a church or diocese or church staff, priest or religious should be acting a certain way, it can be surprising when you are met with the institution of the church or the humanity of the church.

It is probably good for all of us to think about this difficulty of big "C" and little "c" - whether you work for a parish, diocese or some entity of the church or not.  In many ways all of the faithful has had to come to terms with recognizing how you process church and Church. How do you keep faith even if disillusioned? In the middle of the Clergy Sex Abuse Crisis, one needs to figure out how to keep your faith despite what you hear in the news. In some ways it may even be a call to deepen your faith.

Ultimately the Church is wherever we are  and whether we work for the church or not we all work for the Church (big "C").

I guess the only way I can come to terms with it is to recognize that I too am a flawed individual.

Music

Found this little ditty -  Turn up your volume!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CJA69C6SlRk

Music can change your attitude.  Instead of feeling uncertain of what may come I need to look at this change as a "New Dawn and a New Day!"

A friend of my husband is fond of saying, "Life is mostly attitude and timing."

Give your attitude a boost. Whats your favorite "kick ass" song? 

Put it on and crank up the volume!

The Work of Being Unemployed

Today is Monday.

Normally I would get up, have my coffee and check the news with special attention to the traffic news.  But since I do not have to make my hour long commute into the office I don't need to pay so much attention to Kelsey Soby on FOX 9 News anymore.

I would usually check my work e-mails from home before I left but...

So today I start the work of being unemployed.
Here is a picture of my new office.

I think I need to redecorate!

It would be very easy to busy myself with busy work at my computer or even to catch up on the pro-life news nationally and locally - but that is not my job any more.  My first job now is to keep my commitment to take 10 - that is take 10 minutes of prayer. Changing habits and slowing down is hard.  All I could think of was the work I needed to get done:.
Their is:

1. Applying for unemployment.
2. Check my e-mail.
3. Updating my resume.
4. Check my facebook.
5. Looking at insurance options. 
6. Check my Linkedin.
7. Updating my e-mail contact information to my home e-mail on my social media.
8. Check my e-mail again. 
9. Trying to figure out how to get my new contact info to friends and colleagues who only have my old work e-mail that I have no access to. 
10. Connecting with friends and colleagues to give them my new information.
11. Looking at the family budget.
12. ............

In addition I have already outlined my next 4 blog posts!

These are all good things....but back to that 10 minutes of prayer.  In a very practical way I need to make sure I spend 10 minutes a day in prayer, but it is difficult...so much so that I had to set the timer in my kitchen to 10 minutes and make sure I stayed with my bible until it beeped.  

Our first work is prayer.  I will need God to guide me in the next few weeks and months (well all of my life really) and I need to take the time to listen to Him first. 

Then I went to have lunch with a friend. 

Prayer

Being that it is Sunday, what a better day to talk about prayer.  First of all,  thanks to everyone who have offered prayers for me during this transition.  

I need them and keep em coming! 

I know that as a person who worked for the church you may think that prayer would be where I would turn to first, but as by first blog post says, my natural tendency is to turn to wallowing. (Please don't discount the value of wallowing - it is necessary!) But prayer is something I need to be reminded to turn to in my dark times. 

I want to share with you a portion of an e-mail I received from Jeff Cavins - (He is a generous man in his praise, help and prayers - I hope it is ok to share it!)

He wrote to me:

"I would encourage you to keep your eyes on the Lord, especially in the next two weeks. I think he has something special for you and it just might be the case that he released you from Marriage & Family for something even greater. Isn't He good? I also want to share with you a devotion that has blessed me, as I've been where you are.  I’m reminded of Gen 22 when Isaac was bound up and about to be sacrificed. He didn't ask for it, want it or expect that his life would end up like this. He was able to endure and accept the binding because his eyes were on his Father. Keep your eyes on your heavenly father! You can go through anything. 

I would encourage you to take some time to sit before the Lord and thank Him for this move in your life. Open yourself up to Him completely, the best is ahead. You are a good woman with a great story. You are a beautiful daughter of God. You are so unique that God brags about you and says, “look at this one!!!” God is going to use you."

Knowing others are praying for me and receiving encouraging words are so helpful in these times.  I NEED these reminders to "keep my eyes on my heavenly father!"

I love scripture and know that God talks to me through it. That is...when I take time to listen!   Today's entrance antiphon at Mass was: Thus says the Lord: "I know the plans I have for you, plans for peace and not for affliction. You will call upon me and I will hear you, and I will bring you back from every land where you have been held captive."

I see a pattern here - now to believe it!

I have been known to say that I would rather read a book about the Rosary than actually do it.  That being a given... I would rather write or talk about prayer then do it!  I've spent the last 5 plus years working for the church and during that time I found that it was the most difficult time for me to commune with God.  I've spent 50 hours a week working for the church like Martha (Luke 10:38) - now like Mary. I need to spend some time at his feet.  

I am recommitting to take 10 plus 2 plus family -  a mantra put forth by my pastor a few years ago.  Here is what it means:

Take 10 - (at least) minutes of prayer a day.

Plus 2 - That is 2 hours with the Lord a week- One hour at Mass and 1 hour at the Adoration Chapel. 

Plus Family - Pray together as a family. 

Part of the reason I am blogging is to be held accountable.  So here you go - I said it out loud in black and white (or on this page red and white!).  Now I have to actually do it! 

Day one of the Layoff

*Note - the change in my employment is legally referred to as a reduction in work force not a lay off but that just didn't make a good blog title.


Yesterday my position at the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis was eliminated. It is hard being laid off and in some ways even harder being laid off by the "Church." I have my moments of tears, self doubt and what the ...s??? I also have received lots of encouragement from friends and co-workers.  In addition to my work as the Respect Life Coordinator,  I freelance wrote for the Catholic Spirit and write a blog on Catholic Hotdish.  I have been encouraged to keep writing and today when I was feeling much self pity I thought I should blog about the journey though being laid off.
I will try to be open and honest as I move through emotions but unlike the younger generation I will try not to live my life in the public.
That living life out loud has some drawbacks but has some perks.  I hope with this sharing of my journey I will have some accountability.  Accountability in not only committing to move through and on but accountability to writing every day.
So here goes:
Day One - 
My 20 year old son gave me advise on getting through this. He has some experience on getting "let go" at jobs... as we say. He said, " Mom, take this weekend and be mad, sad, angry and feel sorry for yourself, but just for this weekend. Come Monday you will realize you were never happy at that job anyway." I love that boy....

Wallowing 101
1. Booze - Your favorite  Mine is a Manhattan.
2. Netflix stupid movies.  I  binge on Scandal.  What you choose doesn't matter.  It can engage you or numb you.
3. Comfort food.  Again this is up to personal taste.  For me its is these awesome Pillsbury Apple Turnovers and Chips. Not together of course.  And just for good measure I bought a pound of butter.  You can never have too much butter.



4.  Pick up the fitness schedule at your local gym, YMCA or Community Center.  After a weekend of wallowing you are going to need it.