Shush

One word...
"Shush"
One word was all it took to bring me a smile.
I have been on a semi-silent retreat at my sisters cabin.  I say semi-silent because being silent is not something I am good at.  I have my phone with me and have made regular calls to my husband, son and daughter.  But the purpose, or my hope, in this little excursion was to hear God's voice.  So far all I can hear is my own.
On Sunday I snuck away to a cafe with internet to catch up on some of my social media vices. I hopped on my facebook and messaged a few people.  Most of my corispondance was rambling and chatty since I have been out of contact for a while.  I messaged a priest friend of mine whom I have known for years and rambled on about my silent retreat and the Church up north that I went to Mass at and the retreat center that is up here but I am not staying at and how it woud be a great place for a retreat and... Well, you get the picture.  You can almost imagine that my fingers were out of breath.

On a Sunday morning I was surprised that my priest friend replied.
He replied with one word.
"Shush"
Not hush like a mother would say but shush like a Father reminding his children and redirecting their attention.
The shush brought me a smile.  For one, it was a reminder to redirect my thoughts to God but later that day I reflected on how it made me feel.

The shush brought me a smile because this priest  knows me well and knew that I needed  that gentle reminder  to quiet  myself considering my extrovert personality.    It also brought my heart a  moment of joy to think that this busy  priest  held me in his thoughts for a moment on a busy Sunday morning.  
I get these same moments of joy when my husband  sends me a text telling me he is thinking of me or a friend remembers  a special day.
So if this brought me a moment of joy, why am I having so  much trouble feeing the joy of knowing that God holds me in his thoughts always? God knows me and my heart better than anyone.
What was keeping me from hearing God's voice? Feeling God's love?

"Shush"

Am I not praying well enough? Is their something I am missing? Has God forgotten me?

"Shush!"

and listen...

Lent is a time for Shush... As we head into this last week before Easter, prepare your hearts and quiet your soul and "Shush" to hear God's voice.

We just need to listen.

Wish me luck and say a prayer.

Wish me luck and say a prayer.

I am taking off this weekend for 5 days alone at my sister cabin in northern Minnesota.
When I planned this "retreat" it was at a time when I felt I still needed to get some of that yuck out of my soul.  Even with the time that has past and my moving on, occasionally I feel that anger, disappointment, angst and pain of being laid off resurface.   I am finally, I believe, past that now but I am still taking the retreat.

Having worked as a teacher for 10 weeks was a good transition for me and leaving there was so different from when I was laid off.  For one thing it was my choice and and for another - I had a beautiful send off.  Just look at the the picture of the door to my classroom the last days I was teaching.

The kind words the students wrote to me lifted my heart and restored my soul in a way other people and circumstances just couldn't. God had a purpose for me  being there at this time.  A purpose for both myself and the students I hope.

So now I am faced with my next steps.
I will go on this retreat to find out what that is going to be.
Exciting huh! and scary....

I plan to use the time to pray, read, walk and write.  I have been toying at this writing thing and now I need to jump in.
I have outlined a book/manual on healing. It is something I think this blog has helped me with. I hope to intersperse some personal stories from my life and others along with the practical advice I have received along the way.

Like prayer - I find I would rather write and talk about prayer rather than do it and now with writing - I find I would rather write about writing than get to the writing! Ugg!

With that - I better get going!
Pray for me...
Come Holy Spirit Come!

Finding my Gifts

I'm baaaaaaack!

Yes I am back on my blog after a short stint as a Middle School Religion teacher. One thing about being laid off and thrown into figuring out what is next in your life, is the chance to try new things. I took the position teaching because I wanted to see if that was what I was being called to do. I think I can say that - at this time in my life - I am NOT called to teach middle school kids.

The kids are great, the school is great but it is not the right fit. I am reminded of the saying (I can't remember where I first heard it) "You contribute to your own burnout when you do things that others are called to do."

I was definitely feeling the burnout. One example was last week when I found myself yelling at some students... "At what point did you think it was a good idea to jump over the desks?" and 'That is it! I am sending the next student who talks to detention!"

Right after this episode we opened the chapter in their books to a study on the 5th commandment and after reading a discourse on righteous anger (recounting the story of Jesus overturning the tables in the temple) we were to give examples of righteous anger. I simply said, "I don't think we need to discuss examples, I think I just gave you a demonstration!"


This has caused me to reflect on what I am called to do. When I do the things I am gifted to do I am filled with life, energy and hope. I can tell I am moving toward burnout by my overwhelming fatigue. Burnout can be defined as a loss of enthusiasm, energy, idealism, perspective, and purpose. It is a state of total exhaustion—physical, mental, and spiritual—brought on by unrelenting stress. I have learned a few things about admitting that I can't do everything. To admit that you are burned out doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you are discovering your gifts.

I will be leaving my position as a Middle School teacher and allowing someone else who has that gift to take my place.  In the mean time, I will spend some time and effort discovering my gifts.

Writing is one of the things that gives me life and I will start posting to this blog again or I may start a new blog as I think I have moved beyond surviving the layoff to finding my gifts.

Follow me as I take a leap of faith and see where God is taking me.